I Am a Mother

It feels like I haven't been here for awhile.  I put the menus up, but that's not really me, ya know?  I've been busy playing.  My sister and her two cute kids stayed with us last week, and I was enjoying playing hostess.  It's been a lot of fun, just look:

*pound*, baby girl

 

My momma with three of the five grand-babies born within the last year.



 My baby girl hit her 7 month mark:

Our ward had their annual father/sons campout, so Nick, Everett, my bro-in-law, and nephew went along as well.  I think they had a good time.  Nick sent me photos as the night went on, and Everett wasn't smiling in any of them.  I don't think that means anything though.  I missed my boy the whole time.

 While the boys were away we enjoyed some girl time, going out for dinner, eating cookies, watching a late movie, and in the morning my sister and I went garage-saleing.  A first for me, and I rather enjoyed myself.  I might have to go do it again.  Sorry, Nick!

On Saturday morning, Ellie was running around our driveway and tripped over a sweatshirt, and landed right on her face.  My poor baby!  She's been a good sport about the whole thing, but just looking at her makes me hurt for her:

 Mother's day was so very nice.  Ellie surprised me with a gift she had made at school and then hid under her bed for several days.  I discovered that that girl is good at keeping a secret.  I really had no idea.  I also loved the song that Nick wrote for me, and the kids sang to me.  It was thoughtful and just made my day.  In sacrament meeting at church, the primary music directors had the idea to have the moms sing a duet with the kids.  The idea sounds cute and all, but I couldn't do it.  I sat and tried not to be a big blubbering mess.  We went to my mom's and everyone enjoyed the rest of our day.

See?  The boy just doesn't smile for photos unless you catch him off guard.  He's on a tractor for crying out loud.

Prunes, anyone?

And as if this blog weren't already long enough, I had a few thoughts to share about being a mother (hence the title of this post).  Awhile ago, I was talking with a good friend who feels like she lost her identity when she became a mother.  She feels like she can no longer do the things that she loves, and says that she doesn't know who she is now.  I've thought a whole lot about this conversation, and who I am as a person.  Did I lose myself?  No.  Sure, there are things you just can't run out and do with little kids around, but if I had to identify myself by just one word, I'd have to say that word would be, "Mom".  I was raised to be a mom.  Everything my own mother taught me was to prepare me for right now, and I ate it all up.  I looked forward to this time with anticipation, and now here I am, living the dream.  I have four little bodies who depend on me, and they are the world to me.  I'm not perfect.  I'm far, far from perfect.  Being entirely honest, this mother's day was the first that I truly felt like I didn't deserve all the praise that I recieved.  Every day is a struggle to live up to that mom I want to be.  But, despite the struggle, this is where I want to be.  And I love it.