Transition

Do you ever feel like you need to just sit down and write?  Like you need to share your thoughts with the world?  That's how I'm feeling this morning.  I know, I may be weird.

I've been thinking a lot about transitions in life.  Change.  The dreaded word.  It's inevitable, as you know.  My entire life I looked forward to being a mother.  I knew that's what I wanted to do when I grew up.  I got a degree in Education because I had to have a backup plan, but really, all I wanted to do was birth babies and then snuggle them.  Reality came with a big smack in the head, because being a mother of small children is HARD.  And then, add four more.  BUT, it was still a dream come true, I recognized that, and I absolutely loved being at home with my munchkins.

Easter 2014.  Oh heavens, look how SWEET and LITTLE they all look!  Life changes so quickly!

And then, here comes transition time.  That dream I looked forward to my whole life, the one with babies?  Well, it's come and gone.  Wow.   10 years goes by so quickly.  No more night-time feedings, no more diapers, no more baby snuggle time, no more nursing.  I spent 10 years being physically and mentally drained, trying to meet the basic needs of little people.  Filling sippy cups.  Changing diapers.  Feeding babies.  Entertaining babies.  Finding little moments of time where I could take a breather for myself.  It was a busy time.

And now?  My kids are fairly independent.  It's so strange.  My 3 year old is completely happy following her siblings around, or even playing on her own.  I'm left with time to myself!  I don't even know what to do with myself!  I wander the house, checking in on kids (yep, they're fine) and then in boredom, check facebook or my email a million times a day.  Golly, I need something to DO.  And, don't tell me to clean house.  I find no joy in cleaning toilets and refuse to spend all my time picking up after kids.  (I do clean house, by the way, but the majority of cleaning is done by my kids.)  I feel like I need to find myself all over again.  I thought I had this worked out.

Thankfully, transition is a mixed bag.  It's not all bad.  In fact, I don't want to go back to those times with babies.  I loved that time, I really really did, but I'm ready to move forward.  Onward and upward!  And hello, there's a lot of really great things happening right now!  I mean, I get sleep, oh blessed sleep, these days.  My big kids are big enough to be helpful, and they really are.  Only one of my kids still requires help getting in and out of the car.  My kids can all put their own shoes and jackets on.  I can leave the house without a diaper bag.  My kids are old enough to go on family adventures and I'm not lugging an ornery, sleep-deprived baby around with us.  These are good times and I'm trying to soak in every minute, because if there's anything I've learned through this, it's that transitions come all too soon.