The Finger

Ellie at the hotel pool a week ago - it was funny to watch her jumping in the water while trying to keep her bandaged finger from getting wet.

I took Ellie this afternoon for her second follow-up visit for her finger.  First of all, let me tell you, again, that I do not do well with these kinds of things.  I have a, um, sensitive stomach?  I have had a few experiences in the past that have shown me I just can't handle it, and it was proven once again today.  I thought that since the accident was a month ago, it would be healed enough it wouldn't bother me?  I don't know why I went.  I was trying to be a big girl (and my daughter's supportive mother for heaven's sake!).

So, this is how it went down.  The nurse sits us in a room and takes off the bandage.  Ellie is freaking out (the first time they removed the bandage it hurt a lot and started bleeding again).  The nurse has scissors and is cutting and tearing at the bandage that has been protecting her precious finger that was traumatically cut off just a few weeks ago.  I don't think it actually caused Ellie much pain, but it scared her to a half heart-attack, I'm pretty sure.  Finally, the bandage is free and I can see Ellie's finger tip.  It is black.  She has a nail, but it is weird and gross (to be expected, I'm sure).  The doctor comes in a minute later and looks at it, says it is healing well, and that all the gross, black, dead parts need to come off and starts picking at it.  Ellie starts crying and screaming, "Owie!" and this is where I had to take a seat.  I start heating up.  I can feel it rising up to my head and I know that if I don't take action soon, this will not end well.  He was explaining that the wound would need cleaning, but that with Ellie reacting the way she was, it might be easier done in a shower or bath.  He could see right away that there was no way I could handle cleaning out her wound, and decided to pick and cut away some of the dead material while Ellie howled and I nestled as far back as I could into the chair, all while holding Ellie's hand.  Oh, I was miserable, and Ellie was too.  What a pair we were!  Oh, and meanwhile, we had Daisy there too, who was helping herself to the medical supplies under the table.  It was awesome.

I'm trying to be a good patient's mother and asking questions, all while knowing full well that I'm on the way to puking all over the office.  The doc could see that I was looking pale and asks if I wanted to lie down.  He was gonna kick Ellie off the table so I could lie down!  How pathetic is that?  I'm laughing as I write this.  He's looking at me like I'm going to explode (and I very well might).  I said "No, but could you please find me something to throw up in?  I may need that."  "Do you want a drink?"  "No.  But, I am going to lie down right here on your floor.  I'm so sorry."  So, there I am, on the floor of the doctor's office, still trying to ask questions and understand what care he expects of us for Ellie's finger.  Meanwhile, he's picked off a good portion of Ellie's dead stuff and is re-wrapping it in a much smaller bandage (hurray, progress!).  I've never met this dude.  What a great first impression.  I could tell he was a little overwhelmed with this situation.  A 9 year old that is screaming (he actually told her that she was over-reacting a bit) and her mother who is on the floor, ready to lose it all over his shoes.  Oh, and don't forget the one year old rummaging through extra supplies.  Heavens, I can't keep from smiling over this one.  Too funny. 

I didn't lose it, by the way.  I was there on the floor for several minutes after he said his goodbyes (Goodbye and good riddance!).  A nurse peeked in on us a minute later to make sure I was ok, and I was.  I had gotten my churning stomach in check and was just waiting for my head to return to normal.  I appreciated her kindness, despite my slight embarrassment.  A minute later, we left the office, giving a big thumbs up to the nurses at their station.  Oh, it was a grand exit.  Another story of the day for their family and friends.

So, good news!  Ellie has a finger!!!  I am so thrilled over this.  At our last appointment (which I made Nick take her to - see?  sometimes I have sense!) the doctor had told him that he still didn't know for sure if the graft had actually took, and that it took several weeks to see if a blood supply had been re-established.  I have been a bit worried since that it might not take, and that Ellie would be without a finger tip and nail for the rest of her life.  I know, in the eternal scheme of things, that a finger tip is not that big of a deal, but come on, we all want our babies to be as perfect as possible, right?  I prayed a lot that blood would get to where it needed to be.  This is a miracle to me.  The tip of her finger was recovered in our car door an hour after the accident had occurred.  That, in and of itself was a miracle.  It wasn't surgically replaced for another 3 hours (or so) after that.  First I was laughing at myself, and now I have tears of gratitude springing to my eyes.  What an emotional post.  ;)  The doctor today said that her finger looks good and pink (under all the gross stuff) and that it will continue to heal.  I didn't ask specifically about her nail (I was, after all, trying with all my might to keep the contents of my stomach under control), but I assume that will be ok too.  I don't know for sure.  Time will tell.  But right now, I'm so grateful that her finger is healing.  Isn't that amazing?  We have been instructed to change her bandage once a day (Nick's job!) and we'll (Nick, again) see the blessed man that gave my daughter her finger back, and then deal with crazies in his office, in another week and a half one last time.

Post-edit (Saturday, Jan 10) - Nick and I successfully changed her bandage on our own!  I even took a quick look at it!  Her finger is looking so good.  Her nail, still gross.  Ellie, on the other hand, has my stomach, it seems.  She refused to look at it and got sick just thinking about it.  Poor dear.  It is not a blessing.